You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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