haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
