you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
