is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
