i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
