I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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