so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That accounts for only three of the penises
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
