i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
