I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
