Me. At least after what I've been through.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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