she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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