we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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