I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize