First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
