If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
