I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize