Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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