the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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