haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
