I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
