I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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