If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
