i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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