i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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