you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
