I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
