the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
