ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
