If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
