I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
