I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm like, not good at living.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
