You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
