I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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