nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
