A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize