I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
