Cold hands, warm shart.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize