I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
