Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
