so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize