Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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