Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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