I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
