i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
