My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
