I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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