Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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