It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
