Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
