that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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