i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
