if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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