I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
