Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
