first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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