i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
