if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
