The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
