I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Four minutes until I can fart!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
