I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like death gave me a hand job
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
