Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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