please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
