i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
