If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
