Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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